Richard Nixon

"'Shit' - Nixon upon finding out it was infact a crime"Richard Milhous Nixon (January 9, 1913 – April 22, 1976) was an American politician who served as the 37th president of the United States from 1969 until his unfortunate assassination. Nixon was born in Yorba Linda, California. He completed his undergraduate studies at Whittier College, but dropped out to pursuit a career in anthropology.

1968 Presidential Election
During the 1968 Presidential Election, although making it to the finalists struggled to win the popular vote against the Democratic Nominee, Gilbert Huph. But in a final fit of 'roid rage, Nixon pummeled Huph on a live broadcast. Although morally questionable, Nixon won the Presidential Election as his opponent was deemed unfit to run the country from the ICU unit.

Nixon's Brain Blast
During the late summer of '68, Richard Nixon was sipping a McDonald's Ice Tea when he thought of the idea for the next step of human evolution. He spent the next 2 years in secret using 95% of American's hard earned tax dollars in developing the first genetically mutated artificial human being.

Caught in the Spotlight
One day in early October of that year, Nixon was put in the spotlight after being reported missing for 4 days. He was then forced to admit to his genetic experiments in a public press conference. Initial reaction was overwhelmingly negative as citizens believed the unannounced redirection of money being taken from his previous election promise into an unlawful science experiment was total horseshit.

As security walked up to the stage to arrest Nixon for his crimes of unethical human experimentation, he brought out his Plan B and presented his first successful test subject, Bob the Tomato, which somehow won the approval of both the audience and the 2 security guards who were later sentenced to 25 years in prison each by the president himself.

The Pudding Regulation
On 1995, the parent company of Jello-O, Kraft, announced that due to a manufacturing error all Chocolate Pudding Jello-O had traces of lead and mercury. After getting slightly ill from consumption of his favorite dinner snack, Nixon was quick to forward bill Slimecup-B25  to ban the production and purchase of any kind of pudding-like products. This regulation later led to Bill Cosby's desire to kidnap and later successfully murder the President

Trivia

 * Nixon has a dislike for fuzzy fruit like kiwis
 * In the Season 1 episode, "Blowout Sale", it is reveal that Nixon never learned how to properly sneeze, constantly aiming his head up whenever he feels one coming on
 * Nixon has an allergy which denies him the ability to wear any kind of jacket that isn't a shade of blue
 * Nixon had 10 copies of Mars Needs Mom spread around in his desk drawers